The Funniest Client Expressions

In the spirit of April Fool’s Day, we share the wackiest things clients, veterinarians and vet techs have said.

In honor of April Fool’s Day, we share a few wacky client expressions, either heard personally or kindly shared by colleagues and technicians. This is in no way meant to make fun of our beloved clients. OK, maybe just a little. If we were to enter their professional world, we also would butcher expressions and misunderstand their explanations. Feel free to share expressions you’ve heard after reading!

General Pet Care

  • “My male puppy was just neutralized.”
  • “Are you going to seduce my dog to clean his teeth?”
  • “My dog needs his distemperment shot for his bad behavior.”
  • “My dog needs his Bordello vaccine.”
  • A classic: “My dog was spayded.”
  • “No need to give my puppy a wormer, he was already wormed.”
  • “My vet found the tumor by palpitation of his belly.”
  • New dog breeds: Rockweiler, Am Stat.
  • “I feed him Euba-Kanuba.”

Surgery Department

  • A client who felt the need to insist that he was an engineer: “My dog has a prenatal hernia and hip diphtheria.” (Translation: a perineal hernia and hip dysplasia.)
  • After discussing removing an ununited anconeal process from a shepherd’s elbow: “Can it be done with minimally evasive surgery?”
  • Me: “Please don’t forget to fast your dog after 8 p.m.”
    Client: “Why 8 p.m.? He eats fast all the time!”
  • A cute one during an ACL consult: “My vet felt a cabinet drawer sign in my dog’s knee.”
  • A classic: “Will he get an inflammatory after surgery?”
  • “What is the projectile for her surgery again?” (Translation: projected time.)

What Were They Thinking?

  • “She’s not a typical mini-Yorkie, she’s not like a pocketbook dog.”
  • “My Lab is almost 10 years old, so he’s more sedimentary.”
  • “My dog was treated for hypolytic anemia.” (Translation: hemolytic anemia.)
  • “My dog had pancreitis.”
  • “There is minucus coming out of it.” (Mucus.)
  • “Client: we’ll be there in 30 minutes.
    Receptionist: Oh great, do you know where we are?
    Client: No.”

Vets and Techs are Just as Bad!

To be fair, even veterinary team members make up wacky words. Here are a few classic words, tortured by clients, vets and techs alike:

  • “Larnynx surgery” instead of larynx (there is only one N).
  • “Prostrate disease” instead of prostate (there is only one R).
  • A “Weitlander” retractor – instead of Weitlaner (there is no D).
  • “A pussy discharge” – no comment.
  • We could add the word nucular medicine, dear to Mr. Bush.

I can’t resist sharing a conversation I had with a receptionist. I called a clinic to talk with a referring vet, Dr. Smith – a solo practitioner.

She asked me: “Are you calling to talk to Dr. Smith?”

Silly me, I felt compelled to jokingly ask her: “Sure, how did you guess?”

Her answer was: “Well, because I’m a psycho.”

More Cutting Edge

Post a Comment