When a nonconfrontational people-pleaser gets a negative review, it always feels deeply personal. And because I'm the practice owner, especially one whose profession is inextricably intertwined with her identity (sound familiar?), any bad review feels like a general referendum on my worthiness as a human.

Everyday stress versus extreme stress

While my quotidian, veterinary work-related woes are more often attributed to negative interactions with my team members or clients (and the cloud that looms for a day or so), I know I'm not alone in confessing a negative online review has a way of activating my core stressors, which happen to be financial insecurity and self-doubt, along with other fundamental issues surrounding survival and self-esteem.

Negative online reviews also trigger the client antipathy center in our brains, that special place in our psyche we reserve for those who question our skills, our professionalism, even our motives. We accumulate these throughout our professional lives and either thicken our skin or hang on to them. If it's the latter, this part of our psyche won't digest reviews and effectively manage the feelings they raise. Instead, it'll increasingly tend to react with generalized misanthropy and unmanageable feelings of victimization and isolation.

Not everyone feels it so acutely

If this all sounds too dramatic to you, consider you're probably among the few who don't feel especially triggered by a negative review. The rest of us read these (typically vitriolic) statements published in a public forum and can actually feel our bodies physically react to the verbiage. I know from experience—I'm so sensitive that I physically shrink, recoil, and instinctively want to run away from the feeling by hiding and numbing myself. Instead, I've learned to curl up with a dog, seek a hug, and cry it out, if necessary.

Everyone reacts differently, but there's no getting away from the fact negative reviews hurt, which is exactly what the reviewer is trying to achieve. They want to inflict pain, both personally and financially. It's no secret the internet makes weak people brave enough to write things they'd never say in person, which explains why many online reviews feel so personal. After all, they usually are.