Challenging the idea of selfishness When I asked a friend and colleague how they define self-compassion, they replied without hesitation: “being selfish.” I imagine several of you reading this might feel the same way—that showing kindness to yourself is indulgent or even wrong. This belief doesn’t come out of nowhere. Many of us were raised with the conditioning that we must always put others first—our families, our communities, our patients. For veterinary professionals, this conditioning is magnified. From our first day in practice, we are reminded that the lives of animals and the trust of their people are in our hands. But what if we challenged this assumption? What if instead of framing it as selfishness, we rephrased it as “compassion for self”? Or even “inner resiliency training”? These subtle shifts in language can be powerful because words shape how we perceive and interpret our experiences. Veterinary compassion: Outward first, inward last As veterinary team members, we excel at compassion. We sit with families as they say goodbye to beloved pets. We extend kindness to frightened animals that may not understand what’s happening. We notice suffering—sometimes subtle, sometimes overwhelming—and we respond with empathy. But here’s the hard truth: many of us are far less skilled at directing compassion inward. Veterinary medicine is one of the few professions where the needs of patients, clients, and colleagues often come before our own. The technician who skips dinner to recover a patient. The veterinarian who delays basic self-care to answer one more client question. The assistant who absorbs an angry client’s frustration, even while grieving personal loss. These acts are applauded as dedication, but they are also acts of self-neglect. Over time, they drain us of the very energy we need to serve well. What self-compassion really means According to Kristin Neff, PhD, a pioneering researcher on the subject, self-compassion is: “…acting the same way towards yourself when you are having a difficult time, failing, or noticing something you don’t like about yourself. Instead of ignoring your pain with a “stiff upper lip” mentality, you stop to tell yourself, “This is really difficult right now. How can I comfort and care for myself in this moment?”” It is not about excusing mistakes or wallowing in hardship. It is about recognizing your humanity, your limitations, and your intrinsic worth—especially in moments of struggle. Why self-compassion feels hard For those of us in animal care, resistance to self-compassion often sounds like this: “If I take care of myself, I won’t have anything left for others.” “I should be stronger than this.” “Everyone else is struggling too—I don’t get to complain.” The truth is, neglecting ourselves comes at a high cost—not just to us, but to those around us as well. Burnout, compassion fatigue, and moral distress are rampant in veterinary medicine. When we operate from depletion, our ability to offer empathy, patience, and clear decision-making erodes. Self-compassion is not selfish—it is foundational. It sustains our capacity to care for patients and clients. “Talk to yourself like you would to someone you love.” — Brené Brown. Photo courtesy Rebecca Rose The three elements of self-compassion Dr. Neff identifies three core elements of self-compassion. Together, they establish a foundation for resilience in emotionally demanding professions, such as veterinary medicine. 1) Self-kindness Self-kindness means speaking to ourselves with gentleness instead of criticism. Veterinary work provides endless opportunities for self-blame: the case we missed, the patient we couldn’t save, the client we couldn’t satisfy. Instead of “I failed,” self-kindness says: “This was hard. I did the best I could with what I knew.” 2) Common humanity Suffering and imperfection are part of the shared human experience. Recognizing this truth reminds us we are not alone. Every team member knows the pain of loss, mistakes, or regret. Acknowledging common humanity helps break the isolation that so often deepens our suffering. 3) Mindfulness Mindfulness is noticing our thoughts and feelings without judgment. Veterinary professionals often suppress emotions to keep moving through packed schedules. While sometimes necessary, this habit disconnects us from our own needs. Mindfulness allows us to name what we feel: “I’m exhausted. I’m sad. I’m frustrated.” Naming creates space for compassion instead of shame. As Brené Brown reminds us: “We cannot selectively numb emotions; when we numb the painful ones, we also numb joy, gratitude, and happiness.” Thinking of others first: The veterinary lens The culture of veterinary medicine glorifies self-sacrifice. We celebrate the receptionist who absorbs client anger without complaint, the doctor who loses sleep over a tough case, the technician who works through illness so as not to “let the team down.” While admirable, these patterns are unsustainable. Outward compassion without inward replenishment is like running a hospital on an empty oxygen tank. Self-compassion reframes the narrative: caring for myself does not reduce my ability to care for others—it sustains it. Practical ways to practice self-compassion Here are three practices you can try in the clinic: The Pause Practice: Before the next appointment, take one deep breath. Place a hand on your chest and silently repeat: “This is hard, and I am doing my best. May I be kind to myself in this moment.” Reframe the inner critic: When harsh self-talk arises, ask: “Would I say this to a colleague or a grieving client?” If not, reframe it with gentleness. Peer compassion rounds: Use team meetings to share moments of struggle and support. Normalizing vulnerability fosters collective strength. Why it matters Self-compassion improves not just personal well-being but the entire ecosystem of veterinary care: Patients benefit from calmer, more attentive providers. Clients benefit from role models who show that grace and empathy extend inward as well as outward. Teams benefit from stronger bonds, reduced conflict, and a healthier workplace culture. Ultimately, self-compassion sustains the qualities that drew us to this work—empathy, courage, and love for animals. Closing thoughts Self-compassion is not selfish, it is essential. For veterinary team members who instinctively think of others first, turning kindness inward may feel unnatural at first, but Brené Brown reminds us: “Owning our story and loving ourselves through that process is the bravest thing we will ever do.” Your patients need you. Your clients need you. Your colleagues need you. But above all, you need you. The next time you comfort a grieving client, pause for just a moment and ask: “How can I offer that same compassion to myself?” It may be the most important act of caregiving you ever perform. Rebecca Rose, RVT, CCC (certified career coach), CPEP (certified peaceful euthanasia professional), has a diverse background serving the veterinary community as a credentialed team member and leader, with more than 38 years of experience. Rose has worked in and managed veterinary clinics, collaborates with industry partners, authors articles and books, and facilitates engaging team workshops. She was recently appointed to the Colorado State Board of Veterinary Medicine as one of the first RVT members. References Neff, Kristin. Self-Compassion. Self-Compassion Organization. https://self-compassion.org/the-three-elements-of-self-compassion-2/ Dr. Kristin Neff, video, 2-Minute Tips. https://youtu.be/8lnU4fZ3eiM Self-Compassion Test. https://self-compassion.org/self-compassion-test/ Self-Compassion Exercises. https://self-compassion.org/category/exercises/ Rose, Rebecca. “Mindful Breathing, 10 Minutes a Day Can Lead to Better Health.” Veterinary Practice News. https://www.veterinarypracticenews.com/mindful-breathing-10-minutes-a-day-can-lead-to-better-health/ Stanford Medicine. “The Scientific Benefits of Self Compassion.” https://ccare.stanford.edu/uncategorized/the-scientific-benefits-of-self-compassion-infographic Trzeciak, Stephen, and Anthony Mazzarelli. Compassionomics: The Revolutionary Scientific Evidence That Caring Makes a Difference.
